Smile On My Face

I’ve loved and I’ve lost

I’ve learned to survive at all cost

I’ve seen pain and I’ve seen joy

My heart has been used as a toy

I’ve made countless mistakes

I’ve also caused a few heartaches

I’ve been knocked down to the ground

But I’ve always found a way to rebound

I’ve lived my life, the good and the bad

I’ve worked really hard to disguise the sad

I know what it’s like to be let down

I know what it’s like to have your heart shut down

I’ve seen some good and I’ve seen some evil

I’ve seen pain so intense it can cripple

Yet each day I wake up with a smile on my face

Happy to be alive in this crazy place

Just A Show

All the lies I have been told are swirling around

Slapping me in the face, throwing me on the ground

Laughing at the pain that is breaking my heart

Pushing me further into the dark

I look around and it hurts to see

That everyone I know lies to me

They look into my eyes and spin their tale

Trying to convince me that they know me well

Not caring enough to let honesty flow

They much prefer to put on their show

I no longer just think that I am all alone

I now know it’s true, I am on my own

Finding this out is more than I can bear

Why do I have to be the only one who cares

My spirit is crushed, I’m bleeding from my heart

I hate to know that I was wrong right from the start

I wish I would have learned this lesson years ago

But I guess I cared to much to see the show

The End

I have spent my life standing on my own two feet

Standing up tall, never allowing defeat

I have worked real hard to turn myself around

I gave up the search on things that can’t be found

I thought I knew the circle around me

I thought I had learned to finally see

But the truth tends to slap you in the face

Shows you that you never mattered in this time and place

So I have finally decided to give up hope

To do it alone and learn how to cope

I won’t make the mistake of caring again

Opening my heart has come to an end.

My Flaw

Sometimes I’m too focused on what I lack

And I spend too much time looking back

Sometimes I ignore what’s right in front of me

Too busy wanting a life that is never going to be

I get caught up in little things that don’t even matter

Always asking questions that I cannot answer

I push people away, build walls around my heart

I curse things to fail right from the start

I say I am protecting my heart, yet I never let it feel

I keep it locked away, safe from the kill

I want to just let go and finally be free

But there is always something that stops me

Something that tells me protection is the best

Why take a chance and hurt like the rest

copyright@jadabroussard2015

The War

I’ve been loved and I’ve been lonely

I have support sometimes, but mostly it’s just me only

I’ve learned how to stand on my own two feet

I’ve learned how to survive no matter how bad I am beat

I know how to pick up the pieces that break

I’ve found courage for my own sake

I know how to fight and be strong

Even when I do not belong

I know how to move forward

How to keep my wits when things are awkward

I have become a very skilled fighter

Working each day to find my closure

Life has a way of defining who you are

As it gives you the tools to survive the war

copyright@jadabroussard2015

Reflect

I spend a lot of time searching through my past

Allowing myself to be tortured and harassed

I make myself look at the chaos all around

I scrutinize the mistakes that are littered on the ground

I make myself relive each and every regret

I do this to myself so I won’t forget

I can’t pretend that I never caused pain

Some of the choices I’ve made are hard to explain

I am aware of the bad inside of me

I keep it contained because that is not who I want to be

I can’t pretend that the past is not there

I have to accept that somethings are beyond repair

I will continue to strive to be a better me

Maybe by accepting this truth I will finally be free

Loneliness

How can you feel so alone

Even when you are surrounded by your own

How can you be so lost

When all paths crisscross

Always looking for something to find

Feeling unsettled in your mind

Reaching out for someone to hold

Finding there is nothing but cold

Loneliness eats at you deep inside

Pulls you under like the tide

Tries to convince you that no one is there

Tries to show you that no one cares

Loneliness can seep into your soul

Eat you up, make you lose control

You have to fight it, don’t let it win

It will take your life if you let it in

The Light

Blinding light wakes my soul

Lifts me up and fills me whole

Charges my sense and my desires

Opens my heart and flames the fires

Awakens even the darkest part inside

Running through me, it leaves nothing to hide

I open my eyes and see nothing but beauty

Gone is the plague of unreasonable duty

I feel free for the first time in forever

I sense a happiness in my mind that’s so clever

The light has brought me out of darkness and given me hope

It has shown me a new and better way to cope

It has taken all the fear and all the pain

It has shown me that I am completely sane

I welcome this change into my soul

I’m taking me life, finally I’m in control

Change

A million questions dancing in my head

Tossing and turning as I lay in this bed

I take a look at the life that I’ve led

Go through all the words that my lips have said

Looking back fills my heart with dread

Seeing the pain that I myself have spread

Looking back causes a tear to fall

I can see myself erecting that wall

The one I use to hide behind

The one I use to keep me blind

It gets so lonely in this place that I gave made

For a real life, I would give anything in trade

I just want to know what happy feels like

It’s something that I need to heal my psych

I wish I could find a way to climb this wall

To push myself beyond this stall

Grab my life and start anew

That’s what I need to do

To find a way to feel again

Change this loss into a win

For Myself

I get tired of sifting through the rubble

Trying to shield the pain in my own little bubble

I sit alone and wallow in the doubt

Trying to make sense of what it’s all about

I wish that I could believe that truth is what I hear

But it has been a long time since that was clear

All this chaos dwelling in my heart

Pain and suffering threatening to tear me apart

I wish I had someone who really had my back

Someone who gave a damn when things go off track

All these years I’ve struggled to survive

But it’s not living if you are just alive

There has to more than what I’ve obtained

There has to be something else that will keep me sane

I can’t allow my heart to break

I have to fight for my own sake

Rollercoaster

Everyone has good days, everyone has bad

Everyone gets angry, everyone gets sad

Life is not meant to be easy and free

It’s a roller coaster, don’t you see

You climb the tracks way up high

Then plunge fast no need for a sigh

You turn right, then suddenly left

It shakes you up and steals you with it’s theft

It’s not meant to be a smooth ride

This is not a playground, it’s not a slide

So saddle up, get ready to go

Life is waiting to give you a show

The Journey

Life is a journey that can be hard to survive

It can eat you up or make you thrive

It lifts you up in happiness and joy

It tears you down and trys to destroy

It will push you to the brink

And wait to see if you sink

It gives you more than you think you can bare

It laughs in your face when you think it is fair

Life is a journey, that we know

It’s up to you if it’s fast or slow

Each step you take leads to another

Pain, joy, happiness, tragedy- it’s all a blur

It is life and you have to live

It is a battle of take and give

Hold on to the happiness and forget the pain

Laugh a lot and dance in the rain

Enjoy as much of it as you can

Let go of anger even before it began

Cherish this journey, because it’s all you’ve got

Cause once it’s over, you’re left to rot

Clouded

Sometimes I find myself moving too fast

My perpetual need to run from the past

I get caught up and lose track of what matters

My perspective gets clouded and somehow blurs

I lose sight of what it’s really about

I convince myself without a doubt

Then I turn around and take stock of what I’ve got

Looking at it now, it sure is a lot

I have a family, they are my own

Their love I have not completely blown

I have a love like no other

A partner, a friend, an incredible lover

I have my kids, one girl, one boy

They’ve taught me about life and how to enjoy

I think for once no running is required

I have all I want, I am finally inspired

Breaking Free

I’m breaking down the walls

That have entrapped my heart for so long

I’m breaking free of the pain

And finding me a place where I belong

It’s time to allow something in

Even if the risks are high

I have to step out of the darkness

And give it one more try

There is no room for hiding

No more keeping it all in

There will be no more cowering

It’s my time to win

I’m tired of being stuck

Waiting for everything to fall

I’m not sitting back anymore

I’m going to finally make the call