Beg Or Plea

I remember a time when love was free

When all you ever needed was me

I remember the way you could make me feel

And give my emotions meaning, that was real

I remember the way our lives came together

The way we stood up for something that we knew could be better

I don’t know how we ended up losing our way 

How we have forgotten the right words to say

How we’ve allowed this distance to grow

And neither if us are willing to let it go

I fight for the people we used to be

But those people have abandoned you and me

I’m tired of feeling so lost and alone

I am a strong woman, but my heart is not stone

I deserve to be loved for me

I shouldn’t have to beg or plea

I Need More

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I’ve spent years chasing behind
So afraid to even speak my mind
Giving in no matter what the cost
Holding on even when everything’s lost
I’ve stood beside you through thick and thin
I’ve cheered you on even without a win
I’ve fought and fought to keep us alive
And it was a struggle to ensure we’d survive
But now I’m thinking it’s not enough
I’m tired of being the one who is tough
I’m tired of chasing you all around
Begging for attention like a clown
I’m sick of giving with nothing in return
If you want to keep me it’s time you learn
I want to be chased every once in a while
I want passion and fire without a sarcastic smile
I want someone who will fight for me
Who will be if he must and even plea
Want to be wanted, don’t you see
I want to be loved just for being me

Copyright @jadabroussard2016

Doubts

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I don’t know what’s up or what’s down
My face is plastered with this frown
Doubt and confusion cloud my mind
Erasing all judgment of any kind
Uproot my thoughts and spuin them around
Keeping me aching and broken on the ground
I try to sort through what’s real and what’s not
But in the end, questions are all I got
Wondering and worrying about everything
Trying so desperately to just cling
Making myself hold firmly even in this doubt
Pushing away the emotions before they sprout
I have to find some answers some way some how
I have to know the truth before I destroy a vow

Was I Wrong

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Something has shattered every truth I’ve ever believed
Taken my heart apart and caused it to grieve
Stolen the illusion that kept me intact
Shown me what’s real, what’s really a fact
I find myself confused and full of doubt
Wondering what life is really about
I’m questioning every move I’ve ever made
Watching my life slip away and fade
My heart is lost in a sea of despair
My brain is not quipped to make the repair
I was forced to open my eyes and see
And now I’m not sure how to be me
I can’t find a light, no matter how much I search
I feel something cold lingering in the lurch
Waiting to take me where I really belong
Laughing at me because I was so wrong

Copyright @jadabroussard2016

My Amazing Heart

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My heart has endured and survived
It’s always been there to confirm I’m alive
It’s loved more than any heart could
It’s been broken more than any heart should
Somehow though, with each new crack
I find a way to piece it all back
I find a way to love again
This heart of mine allows it in
It opens it’s doors one more time
With no explanation nor reason nor rhyme
My heart won’t let me just walk away
It’s made a home and wants to stay
Try as I might I can’t turn it off
It’s who I am, no matter the tradeoff
I am aware that my heart might hurt again
But I am willing to risk it once again

Good Bye Illusions

I have removed the veil that shrouded my eyes
I have closed my ears to all the the useless lies
I have finally see what is real
Now I must learn how to deal
What I thought was truth was only a tale
What I thought was achievement was only a fail
I have lost what I thought made me whole
But looking back now it was more about control
I doubt every emotion that my heart has bled
I question every word I’ve heard or said
I see what’s right and I see what’s wrong
I question my life and where I belong
I don’t know what’s the next step to take
Do I shatter lives or learn how to be fake
Do I listen to my head and my pride
Do I shut my heart out and make it hide
Do I let go of what I thought was real
Or do I stick out and try to deal

Copyright @jadabroussard2016

This World

I am trying to find hope in a world gone bad
Trying to find happiness in a sea of sad
I look around and pain is all I see
Chaos and hatred are running free
Communication is a thing if the past
No one has time in this life moving so fast
A text or an email, maybe a poke or a tweet
That’s the only way any of us meet
We’ve given up on the best part of all
Like hearing a voice when someone calls
Or the way you feel when someone holds you close
And talking for hours, that one I miss the most.
I don’t like how this world has become
Solitude is not a good idea for some

Mind Games

I feel so alone stuck in my mind
Going over the bad, all the words unkind
Spinning a story of only half-truths
Believing it all like I have some proof
Suffering in silence as life moves on
Sadness confines me from dusk til dawn
Deeper inside, I pull myself in
Shutting out a world where I never win
Secluding myself, yet complaining I’m alone
Hurling my negativity as if it were a stone
I struggle to find footing in a world turned upside down
Up is not up and the ground is not the ground
Nothing makes sense to me anymore
All I fell is defeat radiating from my core
I tell myself that it’s got to get better
That there is no storm that I cannot whether
I remind myself of the hell I have walked through
As I tell myself that I know what to do
I watch as my mind considers things so bad
I scream to myself, “Stop being so sad.”
I watch as I contemplate any way out
But before it’s too late, I hear my shout
It causes me to step back from the ledge
I close my eyes and turn away from the edge
I tell myself, “That’s no way out.”
And repeat it constantly, so there is no doubt

Cannot Stay

I used to know the right way to go
I knew what was high and what was low
I thought I could see what was true
But now I know, I haven’t a clue
I believed your words because my heart wanted to
But your actions show me more than any words do
Now that I’ve seen what’s really inside
My head won’t allow my heart to hide
It’s forcing me to see it all
The highs, the lows and this terrible fall
I’m tracking back through the years
Looking at things that are causing tears
I’m walking through the life we’ve led
Listening carefully to the words you said
I can’t believe all the things I’ve missed
The countless signs that did exist
I see them now with eyes wide open
You’ve sealed our fate, there is no more hoping
I am such a fool that’s for sure
Cause my love for you was so pure
I gave and gave without hesitation
As you pulled me along with no question
I allowed you to turn me inside out
I let you sweet talk my doubt
I didn’t want to see what was true
All I wanted was to be with you
Now my heart is broken and aching
Cause it seems to me you might be faking
Stringing me along for your own selfish reasons
Giving me hope while you’re committing treason
Well that is over for you my dear
The truth is finally crystal clear
I’m walking away while my heart is intact
I’m giving up and never looking back
I’m just a game you like to play
And for that reason I cannot stay

No Control

I can see myself as if watching from a distance
I can see each reaction, each resistance
I see the look that sprawls my face
I know what’s next at this pace
I watch as the anger begins to boil
I see my mood start to spoil
And even though I know it’s wrong
No amount of words is changing this song
My emotions tend to take a hold
And somehow my logic decides to fold
My sense and maturity turn the other way
As my emotions begin to play
My anger is hot and jet fueled
My sadness is deep and can’t be cooled
My loneliness pushes me over the brink
Convinces me of things I really don’t think
My joy doesn’t come so easy anymore
It prefers to stay hidden behind the door
My emotions dictate the mood I’m in
They twist me up and make me spin
They push as hard as I will allow
Then push some more to make me bow
I try to fight it, to no avail
I try to change it, but always fail
I don’t know how to control what I feel
It’s all or nothing, that’s my deal

What Happened to Us

Do you remember the days of long ago
When we were starting out so nice and slow
Do you remember the talks we used to share
The ones that made time something we were unaware
The way we laughed at things we only knew
How sweet it was as our love grew
Do you remember the way you used to feel
Those new emotions that sealed the deal
Those days seem so far away
A lifetime ago, I guess you could say
Back when our hearts knew no pain
Before resentment took its aim
Back when love was easy and free
When anger was something we could not see
I miss those days so very much
I try so hard to keep them in my clutch
But something has changed between you and I
Those kids are gone and they never said good-bye
We have lost what used to make us smile
And it’s been gone now for a while
Anger has replaced the laughter we shared
Dishonesty and judgement has caused a tear
We never talk, not like before
It seems we fight more and more
Throwing anger at each other left and right
Constantly pushing our live out of sight
It saddens me that thus is what we’ve become
After 15 years of fights over things that were dumb
We allowed our love to stall
We are the ones who made that call
And now we just sit by each other and stare
Not doing a damn thing to make the repair

Do you remember who we used to be
That loving couple was you and me
Do you miss them as much as I
Does the loss of them ever make you wonder why
Do you still think that we belong
Or do you think we are all wrong
Have you given up on the live we share
Is there even a small piece of you that still cares
I Am willing to fight to find us again
I will do anything to help us win
But I can’t do it on my own
It’s not something I can do alone
So here we are once again
The same options you had when we began
The ball is in your court I guess you could say
You can choose to stop or to stay
You can choose to walk away
To end our love on this day
Or you can help me mend the gap
Find what it was that caused the snap
Help me fit our pieces together
Show this life that live can weather
It’s time for you to make a choice
I have to hear it from your voice

The Silence Grows

The Silence grows between you and I
Forming a wedge that I can not pry
Pushing us both further away
Causing all the hateful words we say
It eats at us one piece at a time
Flipping our worlds on a dime
This silence that grows stronger every day
Laughing at us because we allow it to stay
I look at you, sitting right there
So close, I could touch you, but I do not dare
The distance I feel holds me back
Makes me question what it is we lack
Uncertainty that will continually grow
Filling our heads nice and slow
It inches us further day after day
Pushing us apart as we find no words to say
I don’t know why we are allowing it to win
Letting it destroy us is a real sin
All we have to do is let the words out
Open up with each other so there is no doubt
It’s not too much for me to ask
It’s what we need to make this last

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As my birthday slowly comes to an end yet again, I can’t help but reflect.  It sure has been a rough year,  so much pain, so much tragedy.  I caught myself feeling rather guilty, what did I have to complain about.  I am alive and mostly healthy, my kids are safe and well taken cared of.  My marriage is still intact, even after 15 years of ups and downs.  I have a roof over my head and food to eat.  How selfish of me to feel like something is lacking.  I thought of all the people I’d lost along the way and my heart sank.  How lucky I am to have each of my days, whether they be good or bad. Each one a privilege that I continuously took for granted. 

I took a long look at myself and vowed that the pity party was leaving the building.  It was time to appreciate just how lucky I am.  So no more complaining, it’s time to give thanks for
all the blessings in my life.  To truly see how lucky we are and to appreciate the little things.

Wishing everyone a Happy Thanksgiving.  Don’t forget to share your thanks with those that you love.

Oilfield Wife

I watch my husband turn and leave
My heart breaks and begins to bleed
He’s off to work to start his hitch
It’s time for me to make the switch
I chose to be an Oilfield wife
This is my path, this is my life
I feel the sadness of my kids
I see the tear on their eyelids
It’s my job to make it okay
It’s what I do while he is away
When he comes home again
We pick back up and life begins
It’s our routine, our way of life
It’s what you do as an Oilfield wife